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" The Beatles created something that never trailed off. What a gift that was to their fans. If you're into the Beatles, you loved them from beginning to end. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Never
Beginning
Gift
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" When you're in comedy, people always come up and say, 'Oh, it must be so hard.' It really isn't hard unless you're not good at it. If you can do it, its really kind of fun and easy. "
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You
Good
Fun
" Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. "
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Begin
You
Think
" I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. "
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" Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us. "
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Mistake
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Why
" I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Special
Put
Want
" A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. "
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" I don't want to be too critical of what other people do, but when people go back to do the same thing that they did, I'm completely confused. I'm like, 'Didn't you make that movie already?' I've been very fortunate, and I'm well taken care of, so the least I can do is try to go forward. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Care
Confused
" When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Small
Someone
Environment
" I prefer the old theaters because the audience is... trapped. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Audience
Because
Old
" I have no interest in gender or race or anything like that. But everyone else is kind of, with their calculating - is this the exact right mix? I think that's - to me it's anti-comedy. It's more about PC-nonsense. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Right
Race
Gender
" For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Search
Laugh
You
" You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Yourself
Alive
Challenges
" The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Truth
Truth Is
Kind
" Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Passion
Funny
Life
" You can be passionate about anything. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Anything
Passionate
You
" Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Wife
Essence
" We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Coffee
Good
Great
" Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Years
Well
Me
" Men want to make women happy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Men
Women
Make
" The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Comedy
Friends
Laugh
" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Writers
Level
Keep
" My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Law
Florida
Sixty
" Pay attention, don't let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Back
You
Attention
" I love being a dad. I just love it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Love
Just
I Love
" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Good
Yourself
You
" You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. "
Jerry Seinfeld
You
Know
Essence
" Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Me
Look
Humor
" I'll tell you one thing, since I'm married, single people look absolutely ridiculous to me. "
Jerry Seinfeld
People
Tell
Ridiculous
" When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Home
Feel
Face
" Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. "
Jerry Seinfeld
Now
Problem
Think