Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. "

Related Quotes:

" The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. "

Dave Barry

Religion

Problem

People

" Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. "

" Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. "

" Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! "

" Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. "

" Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. "

" Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. "

" What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. "

" As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. "

" The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers. "

" Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. "

" The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. "

Dave Barry

Empire

Now

" You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. "

" Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? "

" The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. "

" The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. "

" For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. "

" In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. "

" Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. "

" People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. "

Dave Barry

You

Want

" Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. "

" Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting. "

" The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. "

" I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. "

" To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. "

" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "

Dave Barry

Fashion

Dictionary

" We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. "

" I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "

" If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. "

" Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. "