Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. "

Related Quotes:

" The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. "

" Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "

" Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. "

" I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. "

" The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn't have eyeballs or fins. "

" Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. "

" The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. "

" If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry. "

" We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. "

" The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. "

" The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. "

" I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. "

" For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. "

" Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. "

" What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. "

" I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. "

" I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. "

" Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. "

" The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. "

" To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. "

" Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. "

" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "

" I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. "

" In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. "

" My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. "

" The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. "

" We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. "

" If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. "