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" I've always loved boxing. It's something I've always been extremely excited about. "

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" I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. "

" Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. "

" I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to you?' "

" When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us. "

" There's two kinds of press that you get when you put out a TV show: The reviews, and the people that just decide what the reviews say. "

" I like all ladies of all different ages. "

" Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness. "

" Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing. "

" I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. "

" I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn't make any kind of grades in high school. "

" I definitely look at my body and I go: 'Yuck.' "

" There's no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it. "

" I've had soccer moms come up and tell me they can relate when I say that I want to throw my baby in the trash. "

" I'm bored' is a useless thing to say. You live in a great, big, vast world that you've seen none percent of. "

" When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a list from her every day and you run down the list and it feels very much like a chore. "

" Perception is created and twisted so quickly. "

" I wish I could know everything ever, like that would be my wish - that's what I hope heaven is, that they tell you who shot JFK and all that stuff. "

" I grew up watching all these crazy movies, European movies and stuff, and I guess that I always laughed at things that were a little more offbeat. "

" When I was first divorced, I started dating younger women, and it was really exciting. But after a while I was like, 'This is just dumb.' "

" It's hard to know where your thoughts come from, especially when you have a thirst for material because you need it professionally. "

" When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don't get any sleep. "

" I do feel a lot of times like I'm out of my league with my kids in terms of what my responsibility is. "

" Cars and cameras are the two things I let myself be materialistic about. I don't care about other stuff. "

" Well, when I was younger, I lied all the time, because once you understand the power of lying, it's really like magic because you transform reality for people. "

" My kids are really easy. I often worry that they're too easy to deal with. They're really nice people. "

" You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They're mean, man. They're cold and very cool-oriented. "

" I love comedians. They're my community. "

" You have to be aware of who you're talking to in an audience. "

" When you're young as a comic, you don't have a lot of leverage. "

" Most people are dead. Did you know that? It's true, out of all the people that ever were, almost all of them are dead. "