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" If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. "

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" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "

" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "

" The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus. "

" I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C. "

" There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are. "

" I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

" Joan Rivers was my hero. "

" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "

" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "

" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "

" Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "

" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "

" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "

" My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "

" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "

" My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. "

" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "

" Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh. "

" Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love. "

" People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "