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" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "
Judy Gold
TV
Show
Had
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" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "
Judy Gold
Myself
Kid
Fans
" I'm not selfish at all. "
Judy Gold
Selfish
" If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. "
Judy Gold
Myself
True
Live
" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "
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Love
Grind
Club
" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "
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Vote
Women
Say
" I live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom and two sons. "
Judy Gold
Bathroom
Apartment
Two
" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "
Judy Gold
Born
Baby
Son
" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "
Judy Gold
Love
Vulgar
Kind
" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "
Judy Gold
Yourself
Lady
Opinions
" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "
Judy Gold
Resistance
Entire Career
Career
" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "
Judy Gold
Want
Comic
Gay
" I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. "
Judy Gold
Being
Charity
Comedy
" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "
Judy Gold
Mother
Street
Think
" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "
Judy Gold
City
Audience
Stay
" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "
Judy Gold
Growing
Feet
Age
" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "
Judy Gold
Mother
Mothers
Scary
" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "
Judy Gold
Sons
Two
Biggest
" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "
Judy Gold
Comedy
You
More
" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "
Judy Gold
Think
Rest
Older
" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "
Judy Gold
Win
Family
Work
" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "
Judy Gold
People
Believe
Gender
" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "
Judy Gold
Female
Stage
Cannot
" Joan Rivers was my hero. "
Judy Gold
Joan
Hero
Rivers
" In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting. "
Judy Gold
Counting
Been
Jewish
" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "
Judy Gold
Street
Tall
Woman
" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "
Judy Gold
Care
Cook
Like
" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "
Judy Gold
Girl
American
Thinking
" Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' "
Judy Gold
Saying
Mother
Humor
" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "
Judy Gold
Now
Audience
Done
" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "
Judy Gold
Nothing
Like
Writing