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" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "

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" Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

" For me, humor is everything! "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "

" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "

" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" I love being a Givenik Ambassador. Not only does it give me a platform to discuss my favorite charities, but I get to talk about my other favorite topic - 'The Judy Show!' "

" If I wasn't true to myself, I couldn't live with myself. "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking. "

" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "

" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "

" I started taking all these cooking classes. I learned a lot in them, but you think you're going to retain it, and you don't. Under the pressure, it's hard to retain everything. "

" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "

" My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. "

" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "

" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "