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" I'm not selfish at all. "
Judy Gold
Selfish
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" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "
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" Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative. "
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" I like being able to donate my comedy to charity. I'm not a billionaire, and I can't write checks. "
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" I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. "
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" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "
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" If I was married to a man, and I had the same life situation that I have, it's the perfect recipe for a sitcom. "
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" Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. "
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" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "
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" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "
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" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "
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" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "
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" Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power. "
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" Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' "
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" Some people use stand-up to get something else in their careers, but it's truly the art form of stand-up I love. "
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" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "
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" In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting. "
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Counting
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" People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. "
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" Joan Rivers was my hero. "
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" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "
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Mother
Street
Think
" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "
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Champion
Going
Chopped
" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "
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TV
Show
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" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "
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Resistance
Entire Career
Career
" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "
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" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "
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" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "
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" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "
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" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "
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" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "
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