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" Women are taught that if you want to be a lady, keep your opinions to yourself and be polite. "

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" We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. "

" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "

" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "

" My desire for my own sitcom began as a little girl - I spent hours lying on my belly on the shag carpeting getting lost in the world of the '70s sitcom. All I wanted to do was run away to the Brady house, The Partridge Family bus; even the project on 'Good Times' seemed better than Clark, NJ. "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" Joan Rivers was my hero. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" Of course I love cooking Eastern European food because I'm a Jew, but I also love making roast chicken. I love making Hungarian goulash. There are a lot of egg noodles in my cooking. "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player. "

" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "

" For me, humor is everything! "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "

" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "

" To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. "

" My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. "

" It's fun to be someone else. "

" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "

" The first time I did stand-up was on a dare. "

" The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus. "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" Mother humor is such a universal theme. I wrote a show called '25 Questions for a Jewish Mother.' I had people coming up to me after the show saying, 'I'm Baptist, and my mother is just like yours.' "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy. "

" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "