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" I'm a great lover, I'll bet. "

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" My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself. "

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" My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe. "

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" Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories? "

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" People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce. "

" Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist. "

" Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil. "

" I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks. "

" Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day. "

" The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. "

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" I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them. "

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" I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him. "

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" I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them. "