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" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "

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" I do believe that it's something that we don't talk about, but when there are clearly defined gender roles, it is much simpler. Because you don't have to think, which people apparently don't like to do. "

" I would love to get married, first of all, from my children's perspective. People don't think of children when they think of gay marriage, but I do have children, and for them to see their family validated as other families are validated and protected by our government, yes. "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" There is nothing - nothing - like writing a great joke and having that joke kill onstage. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

" As scary as it was being raised by one Jewish mother, I have to feel for my kids because they have two Jewish mothers. "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" I'm not sure when exactly I knew I was funny, but I always knew I was different. I never had an 'edit' button and would say whatever came into my head. Most of the time, what came out of my mouth was the very thing everyone else was thinking - but too polite or afraid to verbalize. "

" My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. "

" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "

" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "

" Joan Rivers was a role model to comics everywhere, but especially to women. She got the first laugh and the last laugh. "

" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "

" Remember the phrase - 'Act your age, not your shoe size?' That didn't apply to me, as they were the same until the age of 12 when my feet stopped growing. "

" I've gotten resistance for my entire career. "

" My mother is a tall woman - as is everyone in my family. At her prime, she stood 5 feet 9 inches, which is quite unusual for a woman born in 1922. "

" When I got a part in 'All American Girl,' in 1994, I remember thinking, 'Now I have a series, I'm not going to need to do standup,' but every night I'd go out afterward and get onstage somewhere. "

" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are. "

" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "

" To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. "

" Over the years, things got so bad between my mother and I, we stopped talking to each other and started communicating by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator. "

" 'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't. "

" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" In America, I've been told so many times that I look 'too Jewish' that I stopped counting. "