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" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "
Groucho Marx
Me
Marry
Never
Related Quotes:
" Women should be obscene and not heard. "
Groucho Marx
Obscene
Heard
Women
" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "
Groucho Marx
Write
Book
Half
" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "
Groucho Marx
Best Friend
Book
Dog
" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "
Groucho Marx
Horse
Why
You
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
Groucho Marx
You
Closer
Held
" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "
Groucho Marx
Jury
Wedding
Judge
" Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. "
Groucho Marx
Buying
Hay
Horse
" I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "
Groucho Marx
Started
America
Television
" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "
Groucho Marx
Man
Own
Women
" From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. "
Groucho Marx
Reading
Book
Down
" Humor is reason gone mad. "
Groucho Marx
Humor
Reason
Mad
" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
Groucho Marx
Room
Go
Time
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
Groucho Marx
Looking
Finding
Art
" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "
Groucho Marx
Live
Who
Wants
" The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "
Groucho Marx
Fair
Life
Secret
" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
Groucho Marx
City
Relatives
Unhappy
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
Groucho Marx
Face
Never Forget
Never
" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "
Groucho Marx
Born
Very
I Was Born
" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "
Groucho Marx
Justice
Military
Music
" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "
Groucho Marx
Wish
Contract
Our
" I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "
Groucho Marx
Mind
Club
You
" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "
Groucho Marx
Refuse
Club
Funny
" My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. "
Groucho Marx
Thirty
Days
You
" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "
Groucho Marx
Death
Trying
Forever
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
Groucho Marx
Saying
Communication
Me
" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
Groucho Marx
Animal
Black
Cat
" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "
Groucho Marx
Never
Morning
Elephant
" The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. "
Groucho Marx
Myself
Life
Mind
" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "
Groucho Marx
Run
Find
Understand