Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "

Related Quotes:

" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "

" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "

" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "

" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "

" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "

" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "

" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "

" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "

" Women should be obscene and not heard. "

" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "

" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "

" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "

" Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. "

" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "

" I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. "

" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "

" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "

" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "

" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "

" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "

" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "

" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "

" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "

" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

" Before I speak, I have something important to say. "

" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "