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" From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. "
Groucho Marx
Reading
Book
Down
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" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
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" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
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" Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. "
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" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "
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" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "
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" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
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" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
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" No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early. "
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" Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. "
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" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "
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" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "
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" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "
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" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "
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Me
" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
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" Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "
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Justice
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Music
" Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. "
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Know
You
Art
" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "
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Me
Marry
Never
" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
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Long
Getting Older
You
" The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. "
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Life
Mind
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
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Face
Never Forget
Never
" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
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Animal
Black
Cat
" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "
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Politics
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Alike
" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "
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Hollywood
Away
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
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Evening
Wonderful
Had
" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "
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Does
Politics
Strange
" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "
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Club
Me
People
" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "
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Her
Looks
She
" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "
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" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "
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Best Friend
Book
Dog