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" The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. "

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" I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "

Groucho Marx

Started

America

Television

" Go, and never darken my towels again. "

Groucho Marx

Towels

Again

" She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. "

" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "

Groucho Marx

Stop

" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "

" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "

" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "

" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "

" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "

" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "

" From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. "

" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "

" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "

" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "

" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "

Groucho Marx

Own

Eyes

" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "

" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "

Groucho Marx

Then

" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "

" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "

" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "

" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "

" My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. "

" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "

Groucho Marx

Saying

Communication

" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "

" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

Groucho Marx

Resignation

Will

" Humor is reason gone mad. "

" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "

" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "

" Before I speak, I have something important to say. "