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" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "

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" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "

" Room service? Send up a larger room. "

" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "

" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "

" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "

" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "

" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "

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" I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "

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" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "

" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "

" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "

" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "

" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "

" I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract. "

" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "

" Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! "

" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "

" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "

" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "

" I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt. "