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" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
Groucho Marx
Room
Go
Time
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" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
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" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
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" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "
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" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "
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" Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. "
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" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "
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" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
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" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "
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" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "
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" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "
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" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
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" The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "
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Fair
Life
Secret
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
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" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
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Leaving
Weather
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" I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. "
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" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "
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Born
Very
I Was Born
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
Groucho Marx
Face
Never Forget
Never
" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
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Woman
Only
" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
Groucho Marx
Intelligence
Military
Contradiction
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
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Looking
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Art
" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "
Groucho Marx
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Book
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" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
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Smoke
Always
" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "
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" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
Groucho Marx
You
Closer
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" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "
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Like
Up
Then
" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "
Groucho Marx
Never
Morning
Elephant
" Room service? Send up a larger room. "
Groucho Marx
Up
Larger
Room
" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "
Groucho Marx
Write
Book
Half
" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
Groucho Marx
City
Relatives
Unhappy