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" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "
David Sedaris
Well
Different
Family
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" I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Started
Years
" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "
David Sedaris
Time
Birthday
Mind
" I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.' "
David Sedaris
Myself
Uncomfortable
Yourself
" I think it's important to take chances. "
David Sedaris
Important
I Think
Chances
" My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her. "
David Sedaris
You
Thought
Story
" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "
David Sedaris
People
Culture
Hate
" What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. "
David Sedaris
Other
People
Call
" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "
David Sedaris
Foreigners
Other
London
" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "
David Sedaris
Long
Change
Got
" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "
David Sedaris
Say
Story
Think
" I love 'Glee.' "
David Sedaris
Love
I Love
Glee
" When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. "
David Sedaris
Look
Writing
You
" People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' "
David Sedaris
Doing
Ask
You
" The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. "
David Sedaris
Last
Next
Humor
" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "
David Sedaris
Like
Books
Will
" I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. "
David Sedaris
Guilty
Books
Pleasure
" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "
David Sedaris
People
Half
Meet
" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "
David Sedaris
Love
Me
Book
" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "
David Sedaris
Like
Iron
Listening
" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Feel
Know
" No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try. "
David Sedaris
Than
Should
Try
" Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. "
David Sedaris
Win
Wish
Say
" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "
David Sedaris
Everything
Show
Offended
" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "
David Sedaris
Because
Nervous
Always
" After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "
David Sedaris
Dangerous
Parents
Potential
" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Cry
Time
" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "
David Sedaris
Years
Keeping
Been
" I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. "
David Sedaris
Think
Saying
Animals
" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "
David Sedaris
Write
Reserve
Whatever
" Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself. "
David Sedaris
Truth Is
Myself
Think