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" When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. "
David Sedaris
Look
Writing
You
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" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "
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Good
Always
" Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise. "
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Learn
Live
Lovers
" When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. "
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You
Comic
How
" I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Started
Years
" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "
David Sedaris
Listeners
Having
Million
" I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.' "
David Sedaris
Myself
Uncomfortable
Yourself
" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Cry
Time
" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "
David Sedaris
Like
Iron
Listening
" I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. "
David Sedaris
Think
Saying
Animals
" I don't have email. "
David Sedaris
Email
" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "
David Sedaris
Well
Different
Family
" People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' "
David Sedaris
Doing
Ask
You
" I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. "
David Sedaris
Books
Like
Nonfiction
" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "
David Sedaris
Say
Story
Think
" I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. "
David Sedaris
Winning
Said
Morning
" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "
David Sedaris
Time
Birthday
Mind
" They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. "
David Sedaris
Electricity
People
Nothing
" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "
David Sedaris
Writing
Feel
Know
" I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine. "
David Sedaris
Reading
Enjoy
Just
" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "
David Sedaris
Love
Me
Book
" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "
David Sedaris
Me
Lots
Things
" After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "
David Sedaris
Dangerous
Parents
Potential
" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "
David Sedaris
Like
Books
Will
" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "
David Sedaris
Gone
Me
Someone
" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "
David Sedaris
Write
Reserve
Whatever
" But most good movies have a gun in them. "
David Sedaris
Good
Them
Movies
" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "
David Sedaris
Years
Keeping
Been
" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "
David Sedaris
People
Half
Meet
" Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. "
David Sedaris
Feel
Sometimes
Mouth
" Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. "
David Sedaris
Win
Wish
Say