Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "

Related Quotes:

" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "

" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "

" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "

" Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. "

" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "

" Room service? Send up a larger room. "

" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "

" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "

" The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. "

" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "

" Humor is reason gone mad. "

" Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. "

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "

" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "

" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "

" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "

" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "

" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "

" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "

" I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. "

" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "

" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "

" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "

" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "

" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "

" Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse. "

" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "

" Women should be obscene and not heard. "

" Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me? "