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" To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing. "

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" I have decided now that my mother should be the GPS woman, don't you think? That would be fantastic: 'Make a left in 11 miles. Get over now - I want you to be prepared. Turn right on Elm Street, I want to see if Myrna Rosenblatt is still alive. Make your second left by the Dairy Queen. Don't go in, they're anti-Semitic.' "

" I'm not selfish at all. "

" I worked at Military Media, an advertising agency for military-base newspapers. Don't ask, I won't tell. "

" Unfortunately, I cook for two boys, and they don't care what it looks like on the plate, and neither do I. "

" The fight in theatre is focus, focus, focus. "

" My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with. "

" I try to win the love and approval of strangers, since it didn't work with my family. "

" Female comics cannot dress provocatively on stage. "

" Comedy is the most palliative way to make a point. People are more willing to listen if they can laugh. "

" I've never been on one of these shows where you have to make alliances and be a team player. "

" People always think you have a lot of money when they see you on TV. "

" My partner and I had our first son in 1996, and the office became the baby's room. Our second son was born in 2001, and the office became the kids' room. "

" I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners. "

" I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay. "

" For me, humor is everything! "

" When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews. "

" The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write. "

" We all know showbiz isn't easy, but being a comic - especially being a female comic - can be quite punishing. "

" Women risked their lives for the right to vote. When I hear people say, 'Oh, I'm not gonna vote,' I just wanna tear their heart out. "

" My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting. "

" It's fun to be someone else. "

" My mother loves it when I talk about her. Half the time, I think she says things that she knows will go straight into the act. "

" Joan Rivers broke down barriers, advocated for free speech, and never apologized for who she was. "

" I've done stand-up since I was 18 years old, and I absolutely love it, but I used to go onstage, and the audience was my peers. Now I go onstage, and I could be their mother. "

" When Joan Rivers walked through the curtain on 'The Tonight Show,' nobody in my house was allowed to utter a sound. Her gait was full of pep and purpose and her voice unmatched. "

" Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties. "

" I realize as I get older that stand-up is a huge part of who I am. I think I'll do it for the rest of my life. "

" When I was a kid, I'd read about celebrities who didn't want to talk to their fans after a show. I told myself, 'That's terrible, and I would never do that.' "

" Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience. "

" I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion. "