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" I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore. "

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" Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over. "

" I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself. "

" I just feed off the energy of the audience. "

" Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised. "

" You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid. "

" I don't like people cleaning my room. "

" All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it. "

" Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on! "

" I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me. "

" Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate. "

" It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. "

" I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them. "

" Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad. "

" Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman. "

" I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently. "

" When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that. "

" Women love a self-confident bald man. "

" My life has changed. I'm not walking around any more wishing I wasn't me, which was the case at one time. "

" Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough. "

" Whenever something good happens to me, it's usually followed by something terrible. "

" There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable! "

" Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror. "

" Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally. "

" Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious. "

" The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it. "

" I am not honest. "

" There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out. "

" I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it. "

" I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed. "

" When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. "