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" I don't have email. "

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" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "

" I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. "

" I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. "

" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

" I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated. "

" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "

" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "

" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "

" I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking. "

" To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. "

" I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. "

" I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.' "

" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "

" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "

" When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. "

" They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. "

" I sometimes read books on my iPad. "

" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "

" I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. "

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

" I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. "

" Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "