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" When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. "

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" I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's. "

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "

" When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. "

" What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. "

" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "

" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "

" Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. "

" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "

" But most good movies have a gun in them. "

" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "

" They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. "

" No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try. "

" I don't like being left to my own thoughts. "

" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "

" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "

" I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. "

" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

" Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. "

" Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. "

" I sometimes read books on my iPad. "

" People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' "