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" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "

David Sedaris

Gone

Someone

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" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. "

David Sedaris

Last

Humor

" I don't have email. "

David Sedaris

" What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. "

" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "

" I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. "

" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "

David Sedaris

Love

Book

" Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise. "

" No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try. "

" I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "

" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "

" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "

" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "

" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "

David Sedaris

Lots

Things

" I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. "

David Sedaris

Books

Nonfiction

" Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself. "

" But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either. "

" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "

" If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. "

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

David Sedaris

Movies

Everything

" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "

" I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. "

David Sedaris

Reporter

New

" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. "

" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "

" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "