Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. "

Related Quotes:

" How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' "

" When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. "

" My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. "

" I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. "

" This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. "

" Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. "

" A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. "

" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. "

" This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! "

" Take my wife... Please! "

" A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months. "

" If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. "

" If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "

" There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out. "

" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "

" You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. "

" While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. "

" She has a wash and wear bridal gown. "

" I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. "

" The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. "

" The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. "

" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. "

" Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. "

" My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? "

" That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! "

" My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. "

" I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. "

" Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. "

" My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! "

" I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. "