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" Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. "
Henny Youngman
Worth
Jewish
Much
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" This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! "
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" That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! "
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" I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. "
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" If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. "
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" My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. "
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" This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. "
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" While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. "
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" Take my wife... Please! "
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" My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. "
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" My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! "
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" Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. "
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" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. "
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