Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas. "

Related Quotes:

" Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport. "

" I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. "

" Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. "

" Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. "

" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. "

" How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.' "

" The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. "

" She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. "

" I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. "

" When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. "

" Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. "

" A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. "

" A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. "

" She has a wash and wear bridal gown. "

" Take my wife... Please! "

" When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. "

" If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. "

" This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest. "

" I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. "

" She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. "

" If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope. "

" What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. "

" That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position! "

" My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. "

" You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. "

" I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. "

" My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! "

" My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. "

" My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. "

" This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! "