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" Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. "

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" Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. "

" The only really happy folk are married women and single men. "

" It doesn't take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause. "

" Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. "

" Honor is simply the morality of superior men. "

" Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age. "

" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. "

" What men value in this world is not rights but privileges. "

" When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. "

" The difference between a moral man and a man of honor is that the latter regrets a discreditable act, even when it has worked and he has not been caught. "

" When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before. "

" Criticism is prejudice made plausible. "

" Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "

" The capacity of human beings to bore one another seems to be vastly greater than that of any other animal. "

" Each party steals so many articles of faith from the other, and the candidates spend so much time making each other's speeches, that by the time election day is past there is nothing much to do save turn the sitting rascals out and let a new gang in. "

" It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband. "

" Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. "

" The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary. "

" Temptation is a woman's weapon and man's excuse. "

" I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

" I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. "

" Historian: an unsuccessful novelist. "

" The chief value of money lies in the fact that one lives in a world in which it is overestimated. "

" Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. "

" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor. "