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" The funny guy doesn't get the girl until later in life. High school, college, everyone still wants the brooding, dangerous guy you shouldn't have. "
Will Ferrell
College
School
You
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" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "
Robert Louis Stevenson
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" I don't say things to be offensive; I say things because they're funny to me. It amuses me. "
Marilyn Manson
Funny
Because
Me
" There's always going to be someone as funny as you or funnier. "
Will Ferrell
You
Always
Going
" I really love showing up at work at 10 A.M., trying to make it funny until 3 P.M., and then going home. It's like comedy bankers' hours. "
Chris Eigeman
Work
Going Home
Home
" The funny thing about directing is that you have your own opinions, but it's a collaboration. Directing is a group effort. Even though you might think something works, the smartest thing you can do as a director is try and weigh the opinions of the people around you. "
Chris Evans
People
Funny
Effort
" Fashions have done more harm than revolutions. "
Victor Hugo
More
Done
Funny
" I just want to be myself and be real and be funny. "
Bebe Rexha
Be Real
Real
Want
" Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. "
Laurence J. Peter
Correct
Three
Man
" I like having a beard. What's funny is when you shave a beard, you realize how freezing cold your face is! The primary purpose evolution-wise is to keep you warm, to grow hair on your face. You shave it off, and your face is freezing for a few days. "
Adam Scott
Funny
Hair
Purpose
" I would love to play Simon Cowell in a movie - heck, I would love it. It would be my dream role. "
Will Ferrell
Role
Play
Movie
" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "
Josh Billings
Like
Funny
Cologne
" If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month. "
Theodore Roosevelt
Trouble
Funny
Month
" God did not intend religion to be an exercise club. "
Naguib Mahfouz
God
Funny
Exercise
" I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far. "
Billy Connolly
You
Angel
Believe
" Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "
Oscar Levant
Blue
Red
Schizophrenic
" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "
Spike Milligan
Speak
Native
I Can
" My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Day
Walking
She
" It's funny, because what happens to me when I read a script, when something grabs hold of me, I start getting these flashes of people or places or things or images. "
Johnny Depp
Things
Places
Me
" When I was a kid, 'Land of the Lost' was my favorite show, just because it was - in the landscape of Saturday morning cartoons - it was so unique. It was a live-action show and kids were in it, these creatures, these Sleestaks and dinosaurs. Every week was a different adventure. I couldn't wait. I loved it so much. "
Will Ferrell
Morning
Unique
Adventure
" Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings. "
Ellen DeGeneres
Humor
People
Funny
" Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint. "
Don Marquis
Sometimes
Cloud
Funny
" I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way. "
Joe Rogan
Doing
Way
Thought
" I don't write material. Funny things happen to me in the course of a day, and I just make notes. "
Kevin Hart
Funny
Happen
Me
" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "
Joan Rivers
Us
God
Over
" There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me. "
T. J. Miller
Nothing
Award
Awards
" I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, 'Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good.' Hopefully it balances out. "
Demetri Martin
People
Me
Think
" It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. "
Robert Frost
Earth
Funny
Worry
" It's funny; it's a real balancing act. In TV, everybody's talking about authenticity. In order to make 'Dirty Jobs' authentic, I really can't be overly informed. The minute I am, I become a host... It's a very tricky business paying a tribute to work, because TV is very bad at it. "
Mike Rowe
Bad
Business
Funny
" If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. "
Abraham Lincoln
Me
Bring
Coffee
" 'Hustle' is wonderfully enjoyable because all my life, I've made an effort to be with people who can make me laugh. That original cast - Marc Warren, Jaime Murray, Robert Glenister and Adrian Lester - are all funny. So I know every day I'll have a few good laughs. "
Robert Vaughn
Effort
People
Life