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" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
Groucho Marx
Long
Getting Older
You
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" Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does. "
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" Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. "
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" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
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Me
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" Before I speak, I have something important to say. "
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" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "
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" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
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Leaving
Weather
Raining
" I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member. "
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" My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something. "
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Days
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" Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? "
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Live
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" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "
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Library
Television
Say
" Humor is reason gone mad. "
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Humor
Reason
Mad
" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "
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Had
Evening
Perfectly
" I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "
Groucho Marx
Mind
Club
You
" Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you. "
Groucho Marx
I See
Time
You
" Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. "
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Know
You
Art
" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "
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Doctor
Feeling
Golf
" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "
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Keep
Hollywood
Away
" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "
Groucho Marx
Run
Find
Understand
" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
Groucho Marx
Old
Woman
Only
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
Groucho Marx
Towels
Again
Go
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
Groucho Marx
Who
Women
Missing
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
Groucho Marx
Looking
Finding
Art
" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "
Groucho Marx
Today
Power
Me
" Women should be obscene and not heard. "
Groucho Marx
Obscene
Heard
Women
" Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others. "
Groucho Marx
Like
Others
Principles
" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
Groucho Marx
Woman
Smoke
Always
" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
Groucho Marx
City
Relatives
Unhappy
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. "
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Enough
Dance
Wives
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
Groucho Marx
You
Closer
Held