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" I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Had
Evening
Perfectly
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" Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "
Groucho Marx
Intelligence
Military
Contradiction
" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "
Groucho Marx
Never
Morning
Elephant
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
Groucho Marx
Towels
Again
Go
" Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it. "
Groucho Marx
Run
Find
Understand
" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "
Groucho Marx
Refuse
Club
Funny
" The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. "
Groucho Marx
Myself
Life
Mind
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
Groucho Marx
You
Closer
Held
" I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30. "
Groucho Marx
Started
America
Television
" Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. "
Groucho Marx
Looking
Finding
Art
" Women should be obscene and not heard. "
Groucho Marx
Obscene
Heard
Women
" Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. "
Groucho Marx
Man
Own
Women
" I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. "
Groucho Marx
Up
Nothing
Extreme
" Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. "
Groucho Marx
Poor
Whoever
Named
" Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? "
Groucho Marx
Own
Eyes
Me
" Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. "
Groucho Marx
Know
You
Art
" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "
Groucho Marx
Either
Dead
He
" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
Groucho Marx
Long
Getting Older
You
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
Groucho Marx
Evening
Wonderful
Had
" Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. "
Groucho Marx
Saying
Communication
Me
" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "
Groucho Marx
Keep
Hollywood
Away
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
Groucho Marx
Face
Never Forget
Never
" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
Groucho Marx
Woman
Smoke
Always
" It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy. "
Groucho Marx
City
Relatives
Unhappy
" My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. "
Groucho Marx
Children
Anything
She
" I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "
Groucho Marx
Mind
Club
You
" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
Groucho Marx
Old
Woman
Only
" Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. "
Groucho Marx
Does
Politics
Strange
" Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough. "
Groucho Marx
Enough
Dance
Wives
" There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook. "
Groucho Marx
You
Way
Find
" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "
Groucho Marx
Bed
Medical
Taxi