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" I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work. "
George Carlin
Work
Think
People
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" The status quo sucks. "
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" Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. "
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" Atheism is a non-prophet organization. "
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" Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. "
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" Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. "
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" If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. "
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" Always do whatever's next. "
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" The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. "
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" Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. "
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" People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. "
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" When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. "
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Ticket
Born
Freak
" By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. "
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Truth
Communication
Language
" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "
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Organized
Electricity
Funny
" What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on? "
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You
Does
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" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "
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" Religion is just mind control. "
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Just
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" Think off-center. "
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Think
" I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "
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Own
Together
Us
" I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. "
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Break
Will
Hell
" I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. "
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Professional
Better
Building
" At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. "
George Carlin
Person
Dinner
Always
" The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. "
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Reason
Accept
Answers
" I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. "
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Want
Group
Guy
" The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. "
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Family
Restaurant
Real
" I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. "
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Older
More
Me
" When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. "
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You
Step
Your
" I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. "
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Purpose
She
Section
" The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. "
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Live
Reason
Because
" Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. "
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Mean
Left
Monkey