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" There's different kinds of laughs. It's like a baseball lineup: this guy's your power hitter, this guy gets on base, this guy works out walks. If everybody does their job, we're gonna win. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Job

Win

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" You can be passionate about anything. "

" To a guy like me, a laugh is full of information. "

Jerry Seinfeld

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" Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. "

" Forty is when you actually begin even deserving to be on stage telling people what you think. "

" Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. "

" I love being a dad. I just love it. "

" Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. "

" A lot of times, you could play me just the laughs from my set, and I could tell you, from the laugh, what the joke was. Because they match. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Joke

Play

" I wrote an article on a new Porsche for 'Automobile Magazine.' I knew the editor, and she asked me to write this article. So I'm more proud of that than anything. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Proud

New

" The greatest thing about being a comedian is knowing other comedians. And you get to talk to them. Its the most fun. "

" There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen. "

" My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law. "

" I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu. "

" We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it. "

" Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. "

" I won't do something unless I can get at least two or three good laughs out of it. If I can't, it's not gonna make the team. "

" To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. "

Jerry Seinfeld

Live

Movement

" I've done a number of Super Bowl ads. And that is the best advertising of the year. That is when people realize they're going to be compared directly against other ads. "

" The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun. "

" I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they're doing. People don't look at me. They don't even know I'm there. "

" You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. "

" Men want to make women happy. "

" You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. "

" The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!' "

" Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic - you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner. "

" Crankiness is at the essence of all comedy. My wife and I were discussing the different types of cranky. There's entertaining cranky, annoying cranky, angry cranky. "

" If you get something right, you really feel it, right in your chest, on stage. I think it's an incomparable experience. "

" When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. "

" Taking in a baseball game on TV is also a big treat. "

" Forty to 60 I would say is your prime. That's when you know the most, you've seen the most, you understand the most, and you still have some physical energy. "