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" Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy. "

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" You know, at parties, people always ask, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi! "

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" Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!' "

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" I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. "

" I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!' "