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" Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. "
Dave Barry
Never
Business
Taxes
Related Quotes:
" Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! "
Dave Barry
Words
You
Wish
" If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. "
Dave Barry
You
Everything
Enough
" It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. "
Dave Barry
Will
Travel
Rain
" Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. "
Dave Barry
Breasts
Now
Stupid
" Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. "
Dave Barry
You
Dance
Nobody
" The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. "
Dave Barry
Through
Street
Fashion
" To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. "
Dave Barry
Personal
You
Better
" I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. "
Dave Barry
Know
Sad
I Am
" As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. "
Dave Barry
Child
Afraid
Than
" People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. "
Dave Barry
Share
You
Want
" Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. "
Dave Barry
Christmas
Choice
Own
" In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps. "
Dave Barry
Tell
You
High School
" Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. "
Dave Barry
Skiers
Menace
View
" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "
Dave Barry
More
Fashion
Dictionary
" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "
Dave Barry
Building
Water
Universe
" The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. "
Dave Barry
Truth
Simple
Cool
" Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. "
Dave Barry
Golf
Open
Today
" The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. "
Dave Barry
Generator
Nuclear
Brain
" The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. "
Dave Barry
Time
Doubt
Anybody
" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "
Dave Barry
Me
People
Religion
" Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. "
Dave Barry
Popularity
System
Bullet
" My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. "
Dave Barry
Problem
Chess
Possible
" Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. "
Dave Barry
Nothing
Always
Car
" The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting. "
Dave Barry
History
Communication
Technology
" The Sixties are now considered a historical period, just like the Roman Empire. "
Dave Barry
Empire
Like
Now
" Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. "
Dave Barry
Without
Example
Beer
" The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. "
Dave Barry
Whales
Whale
Real
" Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. "
Dave Barry
Games
Football
Chicago
" I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. "
Dave Barry
Want
Go
Hate
" What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. "
Dave Barry
Person
Depressing
He