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" What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. "

Dave Barry

Person

Depressing

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" Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print. "

Dave Barry

People

Religion

" The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes. "

" I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. "

" Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? "

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" I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. "

Dave Barry

Want

Hate

" It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. "

" The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. "