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" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

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" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "

" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "

" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "

" What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "

" I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. "

" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "

" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "

" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "

" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "

" But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either. "

" But most good movies have a gun in them. "

" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "

" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" I don't have email. "

" I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. "

" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "

" They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. "

" I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.' "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. "

" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. "

" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "

" I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. "