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" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "

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" When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. "

" My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try. "

" I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine. "

" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "

" What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. "

" I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's. "

" If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve. "

" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "

" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "

" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated. "

" I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking. "

" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "

" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "

" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "

" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "

" If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. "

" But most good movies have a gun in them. "

" Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. "

" But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either. "

" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "

" I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books. "