Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

Related Quotes:

" To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. "

" People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' "

" I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated. "

" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "

" After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "

" I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking. "

" My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

" Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "

" I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. "

" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "

" I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone. "

" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "

" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "

" I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. "

" There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about. "

" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "

" Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself. "

" I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.' "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. "

" I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. "

" The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. "

" I've been keeping diaries for 27 years. "

" The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing. "