Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I don't like being left to my own thoughts. "

Related Quotes:

" If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. "

" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "

" Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered. "

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

" I sometimes read books on my iPad. "

" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "

" I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later. "

" The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?' "

" I don't have email. "

" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

" To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news. "

" But most good movies have a gun in them. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine. "

" I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer. "

" People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country. "

" I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives. "

" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "

" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "

" I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's. "

" But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter. "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why. "

" Because I've always been a fairly nervous person. "

" Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise. "

" I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter. "

" It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?' "