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" Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie. "

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" I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking. "

" I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like. "

" I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners. "

" They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity. "

" I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting. "

" As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners. "

" Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth. "

" I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time. "

" I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended. "

" But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter. "

" Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself. "

" I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story. "

" I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry. "

" I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything. "

" When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. "

" I think it's important to take chances. "

" My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining. "

" I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry. "

" If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve. "

" I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you? "

" I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration. "

" I don't like being left to my own thoughts. "

" I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. "

" I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you. "

" I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's. "

" Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it. "

" I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. "

" If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere. "

" I love 'Glee.' "

" Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise. "