Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' "

Related Quotes:

" Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. "

Dave Barry

Nothing

Always

Car

" Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. "

" To better understand why you need a personal computer, let's take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life. "

" The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. "

" American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it. "

" We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. "

" Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "

" Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. "

" If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland. "

" It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate. "

" You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. "

" Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true! "

" Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically. "

" Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. "

" Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd. "

" As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. "

" It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. "

" Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. "

" Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes. "

" It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. "

" Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. "

" My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. "

" Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. "

" I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer. "

" Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid. "

" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "

Dave Barry

Fashion

Dictionary

" The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television. "

" Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. "

" What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. "

Dave Barry

Person

Depressing

" The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species. "