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" It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. "
Rodney Dangerfield
Marriage
She
Tough
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" At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't. "
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" My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. "
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" I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. "
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" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "
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" What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. "
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" A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. "
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" On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. "
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