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" The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition. "

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" Bill Gates is a very rich man today... and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. "

" We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. "

" What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. "

" People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. "

" There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary. "

" Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around. "

" The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter. "

" Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. "

" Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column. "

" The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. "

" The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat. "

" Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough. "

" We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. "

" For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. "

" Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship. "

" The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl. "

" Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. "

" I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. "

" If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.' "

" It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money. "

" Have you noticed that whatever sport you're trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent? "

" I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. "

" Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. "

" What may seem depressing or even tragic to one person may seem like an absolute scream to another person, especially if he has had between four and seven beers. "

" My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible. "

" Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear. "

" The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. "

" If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word. "

" It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin. "

" I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. "