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" A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. "
" Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. "
" Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. "
" An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. "
" During the Samuel Johnson days they had big men enjoying small talk; today we have small men enjoying big talk. "
" I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. "
" A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. "
" California is a great place to live if you're an orange. "
" A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. "
" The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. "
" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "
" I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. "
" It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals. "
" Television is the triumph of machine over people. "
" An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. "
" I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there. "
" Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making. "
" A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. "
" I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. "
" Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. "
" Imitation is the sincerest form of television. "
" Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. "
" An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. "
" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "
" My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. "
" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "
" If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. "
" The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi. "
" Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great. "
" Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. "
" What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. "