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" What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement. "

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" An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer. "

" A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better. "

" Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. "

" Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent. "

" Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners. "

" An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match. "

" A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done. "

" My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense. "

" A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. "

" The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed. "

" Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. "

" The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand. "

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" I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is. "

" Imitation is the sincerest form of television. "

" I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. "

" A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done. "

" I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. "

" A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary. "

" California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange. "

" You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart. "

" I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. "

" The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. "

" California is a great place to live if you're an orange. "

" I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin. "

" A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. "

" All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it. "

" Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. "

" Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. "