Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. "

Related Quotes:

" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "

" It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it. "

" A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "

" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "

" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "

" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "

" I drink therefore I am. "

" There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it. "

" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "

" The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. "

" I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. "

" Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. "

" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "

" It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money. "

" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "

" Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times. "

" I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison. "

" Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again. "

" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "

" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "

" I never met a kid I liked. "

" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "

" Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. "

" I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. "

" Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. "

" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "

" I must have a drink of breakfast. "

" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "

" No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree. "

" I like children - fried. "