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" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Always
I See
Keep
Related Quotes:
" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "
W. C. Fields
Me
Decency
Drink
" The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. "
W. C. Fields
Insomnia
Best
Get
" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "
W. C. Fields
Up
Nerves
Scotch
" I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming. "
W. C. Fields
Will
Afraid
Drink
" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "
W. C. Fields
Whole
Rather
" I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do. "
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia
Die
Paris
" Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. "
W. C. Fields
Nothing
Days
Food
" Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against. "
W. C. Fields
Politics
Never
Always
" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "
W. C. Fields
Take
Man
Face
" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "
W. C. Fields
Blonde
Beautiful
She
" I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. "
W. C. Fields
Even
Food
Funny
" It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. "
W. C. Fields
You
Answer
Call
" I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. "
W. C. Fields
Water
Drink
Stuff
" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "
W. C. Fields
People
Betting
Horse
" I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything. "
W. C. Fields
Know
Here
Everything
" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
W. C. Fields
Life
Had
Over
" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "
W. C. Fields
Bearded
Women
Were
" Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket. "
W. C. Fields
Favorable
Both
Head
" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "
W. C. Fields
Better
Like
Nothing
" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "
W. C. Fields
Quit
Fool
Succeed
" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "
W. C. Fields
Actor
Devil
Great
" Never give a sucker an even break. "
W. C. Fields
Even
Give
Break
" Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia. "
W. C. Fields
Philadelphia
Fields
Here
" Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. "
W. C. Fields
Took
Some
Cork
" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
Home
Worry
" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "
W. C. Fields
Heart
Worry
Will
" Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "
W. C. Fields
Start
Smile
Off
" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "
W. C. Fields
She
You
Impress
" You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it. "
W. C. Fields
Even
You
Water
" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "
W. C. Fields
Pancakes
Over
Man