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" A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. "
W. C. Fields
Man
Poor
Rich
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" Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. "
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" It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. "
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" Never give a sucker an even break. "
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" I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. "
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" On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia. "
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" Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "
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" Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live. "
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" There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation. "
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" I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. "
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" If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. "
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" I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. "
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" Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life. "
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She
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Impress
" Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "
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Start
Smile
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" I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home. "
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Home
Worry
" I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
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Always
I See
Keep
" Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. "
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Bad
Children
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" Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink. "
W. C. Fields
Most
Experience
Beautiful
" Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned. "
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Cry
Never
Over
" I never met a kid I liked. "
W. C. Fields
Kid
Met
Liked
" A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. "
W. C. Fields
Me
Decency
Drink
" Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting? "
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Drown
Where
Whiskey
" If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind. "
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Will
Prosperity
Far
" The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves. "
W. C. Fields
Pancakes
Over
Man
" I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. "
W. C. Fields
Snake
Bottle
I See
" All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. "
W. C. Fields
Bearded
Women
Were
" Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it. "
W. C. Fields
Better
Like
Nothing
" The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive. "
W. C. Fields
Out
World
Place
" Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive. "
W. C. Fields
Night
You
She
" I drink therefore I am. "
W. C. Fields
Drink
I Am
Therefore
" Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil. "
W. C. Fields
Actor
Devil
Great